shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
