are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
