I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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