According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
