glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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