I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Text me some of your sweat
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