I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
