Can Purell be used as lube?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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