Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
