i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
