I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
