its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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