Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
