I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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