I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
