I feel like abortions should bother me more
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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