How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You were trust falling into bushes
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
