the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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