I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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