The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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