I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Be still, my beating vagina.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
