He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
