TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
