Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I want her autograph on my taint
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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