i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
