A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
