i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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