I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
