I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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