He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Randomize
