if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize