Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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