you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
