You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
