If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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