Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
