You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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