There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
