thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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