god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
