You work out of a Hotel?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
