We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you never un-have a 4some
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
