I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
