I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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