So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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