Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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