chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
this boner is exhausting
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I want to fling myself into the sun
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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