Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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