franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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