and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
