After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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