well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
