i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
