Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The air taste purple.
Randomize
