if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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