Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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