Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
