What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
