Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
BRING THE BAGELS
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
