i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
