I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
