bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
