well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
