After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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