She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
