I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
