Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
