The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
