it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
