i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
