Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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