guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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