3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
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