were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
