we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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