hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
