how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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