he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
